


My demons (they chase me)

by parker_stories



Series: The secrets of Peter Parker [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avengers Family, Domestic Avengers, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, I am evil!, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, Mentioned Skip Westcott, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Deserves Better, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Peter Parker is a Mess, Poor Peter Parker, Post-Time Skip, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark, Skip is a dick, The Author Regrets Everything, The Avengers loves their little spider, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony Stark Has A Heart, i hate him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:41:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22215727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parker_stories/pseuds/parker_stories
Summary: "Peter!?"A voice interrupted his thoughts. It wasn't his Spider sense that told him he was in danger but rather his mind. It was screaming at him to do something, that Skip was back and he needed to protect himself. And before he knew it, he was turning around and shooting at his target. The webs flew through the air and stuck one Tony Stark's hand to the wall.oh godOR: Peter had been traumatized more times than what most people knew. While everyone thought that grief is the only thing that is going through the teenagers head, it's way more, and Peter did his best not to let anyone -except his aunt and best friend- know . But of course, his 'lovely' mentor just had to convince him to tell him.Sometimes, he wished their relationship had stayed professional.At least then you don't have to know every single detail about a person
Relationships: (mentioned) - Relationship, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Skip Westcott, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: The secrets of Peter Parker [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1584796
Comments: 20
Kudos: 615





	1. In the darkest parts of my mind....

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my second fic on this website and I thought I would tackle the whole 'Peter Parker and Skip Westcott' story. I really love that Stan Lee made a comic where the hero uses his own trauma to help others. Especially since it's about rape witch is probably one of the most horrible crimes a person can do.  
> I really think it's important to know you're not alone, and one way to do is to tell others about your trauma. Whether it's to a therapist or just a person you trust. No one will judge you, It's important to know there's people who are willing to help and support you.  
> Anyways, that's all I wanted to say, I hope you enjoy this! See Ya! 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of past rape! (but you probably already knew that)

"Clint stop shaking the tree!"

"I'm not shaking it!"

"Clint it's literally shaking every time you touch it"

"well, then maybe Stark choosed a bad tree!"

"Did you just call me a bad tree chooser!?"

"Maybe, I however, go out in the woods every year in search for the perfect Christmas tree there _is_ to my house"

"Then how does to it come you don't even know _how_ or _can_ decorate one?" Natasha piped up from where she was sitting, while also interrupting the five idiot Magi in their little finger pointing fight. The comment received a childish 'hmph' from Clint and a few smirks from the rest of the Avengers, who just wouldn't realize the Tall Pine they where so desperately trying to give life to was a lost cause.

"I always leave that job to the kids and Laura, so sue me for not having enough time to learn or whatever the hell you need to know to decorate a fucking stick with some green itching stuff on" Clint through his hands up in the air earning an eye roll from all all the heroes.

When Clint's whine finally ended, a fond silence filled the room as everyone got back to do whatever they were doing, although the silence was cut short when The Archer suddenly appeared with his head next to Natasha, his body behind the couch as he held himself up with the back of it. Clint eyed the TV where a news program was playing, bringing up all unsolved cases the last decade for some reason.

"Why are you watching that, It does nothing to bring my Christmas spirit up" Natasha took another sip of her coffee as she relaxed more in to couch.

"Always good to know what we could have stopped" 

"It's not our job to do that Nat" Bruce said from where he was sitting in an arm chair, with a book in his lap he just abandoned. Natasha shrugged.

"We could at least try to help people, Peter do that all the time"

"Yeah, and he stops like 30 crimes a day, it's enough for us not to enter the scene" Sam said in a matter of fact tone. Tony cleared his throat making everyone turn their heads towards him.

"As much as I love to hear you whining about wanting more work, I'm pretty sure we should keep ourselves over the average level of crime fighting, like aliens and people who builds world destroying machines or something" Steve turned his head towards Tony with one single eyebrow raised, Tony held his hands up in surrender clearly getting the _you were literally one of those people_.

Before another fight could begin, Bucky climbed down from the ladder he was standing on, making his way towards the couch as he looked at the TV. He stopped just next to it as he tilted his head.

"Do you think Peter stops stuff like that often?" Bucky motioned with his hand towards the TV were a case about a women getting molested in her apartment was playing.

Tony frowned, he felt worry fill his body when he realized Peter probably did. Not that he had mentioned anything specific, but Tony was pretty sure Peter wouldn't let stuff like that slide, no matter how hard it must be to interrupt those kind of situations. Tony shrugged, his eyebrows knit together as he kept looking at the screen

"wouldn't surprise me if he did" Tony sighed as he made his way around the sofa. 

The room got quiet as they all had their attention on TV, a stiff kind of tension passed through the room as they watched the reporters number up more murders and muggings.

Steve's fists clenched when they brought up a shooting at a demonstration for equality, Wanda's eyes started glowing dangerously when a bomb had exploded in an apartment killing 67 people, and Tony felt his blood boil when the picture of an eight year old boy showed up on the screen with the sentence "Isacc Winston: victim. Crime: rape" below it.

They were all so invested in the TV that they didn't realize when their youngest hero arrived at the living room from a particular long shower, his curly damp hair sticking out everywhere making it even more curlier than usual. He was wearing a Stark Industries sweater and grey sweatpants as he bounced his way into the room, but abruptly stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed the lack of movement from the usually loudly Avengers. He frowned at all the backs that was facing him.

"Ehm... did someone die or did Clint break the Nintendo Switch again?" 

All of the heroes whipped their head around to look at the spiderling, their faces full of alarm as if they were about to get attacked. Natasha and Bucky had their hands on their sides probably where a gun was situated, and he could swear he saw Tony being two seconds away from calling a suit. 

Peter held his hands up in surrender stepping back a little, making everyone visibly relax when they realized they weren't in danger.

"Peter! I thought you fell in the tub, surprised you made it out of there" Tony said sarcastically earning an eye roll from the teenager. 

" Very funny _Mister Stark_ " Peter said smugly as Tony gave him an offended look.

"I thought you would stop calling me that!" 

Peter didn't answer, just grinned as he made his way around the couch and plopped himself down between Natasha and Tony, listening for a while as the team went back to having normal conversations with each other. A smile tugged at his lips for what felt like the hundred time that day. He loved times like this, when he would just close his eyes and listened to the on-going world.

When his mind would finally give him a rest.

He heard Clint going on and on about the god forbidden Christmas tree they were making. He heard Wanda answering Clint's whine with some sarcastic comment, her Sokovian accent at full force. His smile grew wider when he heard something crash and Sam let out a string of curses, followed by everyone yelling _'language!'_ and Steve groaning.

A happy sigh fell from his lips as he relaxed more into the couch.

He didn't notice the fond look he was giving from Tony as he layed there with his eyes closed. He didn't notice the way Natasha was smirking behind her coffee, or how Bruce chuckled slightly before he returned to his book.

He didn't notice, but he knew.

_-the father was hit hard in the head when he went in to the house to investigate, followed by someone crushing one of the windows and jumping through it. The mugger fled from the crime scene before the police arrived and hasn't been found since, the father woke up a few hours later without any life threatening injuries and his family in hold, we can just hope that they found the person responsible for this. Next we have a little girl in 2014 who was found unconscious in her bedroom, no one knows how she ended up in that situation but some people says..._

Peter opened his eyes when TV interrupted his thoughts, his smile dropping as a frown formed on his face. 

"What are you watching?" Peter said as he turned his gaze to Tony

He saw Tony lifting his eyebrows before quickly charging for the remote and turning off the TV.

"Nothing you have to worry about kid" Tony slung an arm around his shoulder bringing him close, obviously trying to get Peter's attention away from the TV. But Peter wasn't giving up that easy.

"Why are you watching a show about crimes that happened years ago?" He felt Tony tugging him even closer trying to get Peter to leave the subject.

"Why do you take showers that's longer than 30 minutes?" Tony lifted an eyebrow has he looked at peter, a smug smile on his face. 

"I have my reasons" Peter said with a glare. Tony's smirk only grew wider.

"Then we have ours" Peter rolled his eyes as Tony ruffled his hair. He let the subject drop, not having the energy to go any further. Maybe it was for the best, he really didn't feel like hearing about the crimes he couldn't stop or the lives he couldn't save even though they happened years ago. 

Man, he _really_ needed to work on his self-esteem.

His thoughts were cut short when he felt someone poking at his side, he turned his head and was met with one annoyingly looking Clint only inches from his face. Peter raised an eyebrow when The Archer continued to stare at him.

"You want to say something or is this just how you interact with people?" Clint rolled his eyes but at least backed away from Peter's personal space. The Archer seemed to study him for a moment before he tilted his head.

"What kind of crimes do you usually stop when you're patrolling? And then I mean the bigger stuff" Peter gave him a confused look, totally caught of guard.

"Ehm.... why do you ask?" Peter saw some of the heroes in the corner of his eye turning their heads towards the on going conversation.

"I'm curious!" Peter gave The Archer a look before shrugging his shoulders that was still having Tony's arm around them.

"I don't know, muggings, murderers... suicide" Peter kept his gaze locked on the TV "stuff like that" He felt Tony stiffen beside him.

"What about... Rapists?"

_C'mon Einstein you'll love it!_

Peter's head snapped to Clint's as he felt his breath catch up, he clenched his fist a couple of times as he took a deep breath. God he was not ready for this conversation. Sure he stopped those maniacs all the time, but that didn't make it any less harder to talk about. Especially since...no! He mentally shuddered forcing himself not to think about, That. He needed to forget about it, and he knew he wouldn't if he kept this conversation going.

He risked a glance around the room and realized everyone was now looking at them, witch means he couldn't run out like he usually did whenever a conversation became to much, without everyone fuzzing over him when he came back. He sighed before sinking more in to the sofa, hoping it would swallow him whole.

"Sometimes" Peter shrugged pressing his hands together trying to hide his tremble "Again, why do you ask?" Clint shrugged nonchalantly.

"Just wondering, like how do you stop them? do you just swing yourself in and punch the fuck out of them or do you like..."

Clint's rant suddenly stopped when a hand flicked him on the head. A hand who belonged to one alarming looking Natasha, Peter gave her a relived smile witch she returned with a smirk. 

"You done now Clint?" Natasha asked while crossing her arms, the warning in her tone clear as day.

"Alright sorry" The Archer grunted while rubbing the side of his head where he was flicked.

Peter just rolled his eyes before standing up, trying to hide the obvious unease he was feeling. He deciding to leave the room before any more uncomfortable questions could come his way and guide him in to a panic attack. he could literally taste Tony's silent whine for the loss of contact, but he didn't have the energy to care. 

"Hey where are you going!?" Peter heard almost everyone yell when he was almost out of the room.

"Homework!" He shouted before he was out and jogging to his bedroom. 

when he arrived, he shut the door behind him before gliding down and closing his eyes with his back pressed against it. He forced a few long breaths while he put his knees up against his chest with his head hanging between them. He let his hands wander over the carpet made floor, before grabbing the short straws with his fists trying to calm his nerves down. 

_Please, stop!_

He put his head up against the hardwood door trying to silent his thoughts, resisting the urge to shove his fist in his mouth. He hated this, he thought he would be over it by now, it's been _years_ and yet those thoughts always would come across his mind when he least expected it. He would look at everything like the guy -the literal _nightmare-_ would jump out of the shadows and attack him. Every dark corner was him hiding, waiting to jump out, every puff of air was him breathing in his neck, every touch was his hands, every sound was him whispering horrible stuff in his ear. 

He wanted to forget it, prayed that he could one day. For all the times he had flinched whenever his uncle had given him a pat on the back, and the look of guilt Ben would wear afterwards. For all the times he had almost thrown up on every Sex Ed video they would watch at school, followed by everyone staring at him the next day.

He hated it, he hated it all.

He pulled his hair with his fists trying to muffle the voices in his head. It was agonizing, he wanted them to go away, wanted them to leave his mind and especially leave _him_ alone. 

_I promise you'll love it Einstein!_

No, don't think about that! Whatever you do don't think about that! He needed to break something, break something so that his mind didn't break. He took a few deep breaths before grabbing the door handle and pulling himself up. He swayed slightly before he gained balance and opened the door.

"Hey F.R.I.D.A.Y?" he asked, his voice ruff.

"Yes Mr Parker, what can I help you with?" the friendly female voice asked.

"Is anyone occupying the training room right now?"

"No one in the building seem to be present in the Training Rooms right now young sir"

_oh thank god!_

"would you like me to inform the others that you're heading there?" 

_what? no!_

"Oh no Fri that's not necessary" Peter rushed to explain. Luckily the A.I didn't question him.

"very well"

Peter breathed out a breath before jogging slightly on his way to the training rooms, praying a little bit of exercising could clear his mind.

god he hoped so.

-

Everyone turned their gaze towards Clint when the kid had rushed out of the room and in to his own. The bird guy was still rubbing his head from where he'd been hit, not realizing the sudden attention.

"Really?" Tony asked, one eyebrow raised.

Clint turned his head up, eyes wide when he realized everyone was watching.

"What?" Of course, Clint was obvious. 

Tony sighed inwardly, he was two seconds away from punching that birdbrain's face. 

"Ever heard of boundaries before Clint?" Wanda said with a stern tone. Tony could pinpoint the exact moment Clint realized what they where talking about. 

"Oh c'mon I was just asking" Clint whined as he stood up from the couch, his hand still on the back of his head. Everyone just rolled their eyes. Even Tony didn't have the energy to go through with the literal idiot of a man. 

He decided to leave before he went hand to hand with the Archer. He was thinking going to Peter and check up on him, hoping that Clint's words didn't bring up some horrible memory from patrol or something. Then he and the kid would go to their lab and upgrade Mark 2329 or whatever number he's on, and probably order some pizza. 

Man he was on roll today!

The genius went to knock on the spiderlings door, all his thoughts dying down when he didn't get an answer. He open the door and peeked his head inside.

"Pete?" 

no one was there. Huh, that's weird. The philanthropist looked around the empty room before stepping in. 

"Peter?" 

Again, no one answered. He spotted a couple of books and papers on the kid's desk, quickly realizing it was Peter's homework. Witch means he hadn't left to do it.

_shit_

He prayed Peter hadn't run out -the kid had an awful tendency to do that- But he knew Peter had been more careful about doing that whenever his thoughts wasn't fully stable.

Before his mind could come up with any scenarios that would probably make the devil lose his shit, he turned his head towards the ceiling.

"Hey Fri, where's Peter?"

"Mr Parker is currently in the training rooms boss" He swore he could hear amusement in her voice. He rolled his eyes before heading out of the room.

He was heading down to the elevator when - Wait, did she just say?-

"Why is he in the training rooms?" 

"Mr Parker seems to be exercising" 

He rolled his eyes again.

"of course he's exercising, _why_ is he exercising? The kid could eat hundreds of pizzas and still not gain weight" He tapped his foot on the ground repeatedly when he came to a stop at the elevator, impatiently waiting for the door to open. 

"Perhaps Mr Parker is just doing it for fun"

Tony scoffed.

"If he would do it for fun he would just drag Clint in and beat his ass" 

The doors opened and he stepped in, the billionaire swayed slightly on his heels when he waited for the elevator to arrive at his destination. Finally arriving, Tony jogged out of the elevator making his way to the training room. He paused right outside the room when he heard the sound of punches being thrown on the other side of the door.

Slowly, he opened the door and peeked inside. On the opposite side of the room, one Peter Parker was beating the shit out of a punching bag. The kid didn't acknowledge his presence, nor did he make any movement that he was going to stop tackle the poor bag any time soon, in fact, it looked like the kid was ready to murder it.

He would be lying if he said he wasn't a little terrified of the whole situation. 

He was about to call out to the kid when a sudden roar-like scream ripped through the teenager's throat, followed by the punching bag breaking from it's chains and flying a few feet forwards, before landing on the ground with a loud _'phud'_. Peter didn't move for a while, just stood there breathing heavy with clenched fists.

The billionaire stared for a while, He had never seen Peter so...angry. The kid was usually the happy one in the team, the sunshine, the person who understood trauma more than anything else, and who knew that talking about them was the best way to cope. And yet here he was, grunting and gruffing while kicking and beating a bag that probably didn't look like a bag at all in his head, but more something that would come from someones greatest nightmares. 

Tony didn't realize just how long he'd been staring at the unfamiliar yet familiar person in front of him, but it was long enough to realize The kid didn't seem to be back in reality just yet. He was just standing there, frozen, not moving an inch as his lungs began to pick up speed. The genius panicked as he realized the kid was going in to a panic attack, and quickly shouted his name

"Peter?!"

The kid whipped around, his eyes wide and wet. And before he knew it, he felt something push him back to the wall and holding him there.

-

_doesn't it feel good!?_

_n-no, please Skip can't we do something else?_

a punch, a kick, the sound of a fist hitting something hard

_Hey, what did I say about talking back? You're gonna do as I say, trust me, you'll love it!_

_Please stop! It h-hurts!_

He barley felt his knuckles hitting the bag

_I'm gonna have to hurt you if you fight back!_

He felt tears in his eyes

_It already hurts!_

_That's because you fight back!_

Another punch

_please!_

_Don't worry Einstein, I'm gonna make a man out of you_

A scream ripped through his throat as all the anger towards the guy who ruined his childhood flooded out, he barley realized breaking the sack, all that was going through his head was that agonizing voice that haunted his nightmares. 

He stood and breathed for a while, his knuckles clenching as more memories came flooding in. 

_AH, this feels so good!_

He wanted them to stop, wanted them to go away! He was tired, tired of hearing them, tired of not being able to be alone in a room with a person that wasn't Tony, Ned, MJ or May. Tired of all the worried looks Ned would give him whenever he would flinch away from people. Tired of May always turning off the TV whenever the news would talk about rape. He was so god damn tired of everything!

He realized he wanted someone, someone who could hold him and make the bad memories go away. He knew Tony could, he always did, but he couldn't imagine what his face would look like if he told him.

_Disgust, disappointment, hatred._

He couldn't lose Tony, he was one of the few reasons he still felt alive, that he still had a purpose.

There was something, deep down in his mind that told him Tony wouldn't stop caring if he knew, that he would help him and maybe make the pain go away. But he couldn't risk it, couldn't risk tell him something that only two people in the whole world knew about. Because if Tony would push him away then he would be all alone again, another father figure gone. 

"Peter!?" 

A voice interrupted his thoughts. It wasn't his Spider sense that told him he was in danger but rather his mind. It was screaming at him to do something, that Skip was back and he needed to protect himself. And before he knew it, he was turning around and shooting at his target. The webs flew through the air and stuck one Tony Stark's hand to the wall. 

_oh god!_

"Tony! Omg I-I'm so sorry I didn't mean-" He tried getting words out but they got stuck in his mouth, almost chocking him.

_You're an Idiot Peter!_

"whoa, whoa, don't worry kid it's okay" Tony assured. He started tugging helplessly on his webbed up hand, but without luck.

"You know this does give me some flashbacks" Tony joked, clearly referring to the first time they met.

Peter giggled, it was more forced than anything, but he really didn't want Tony to think something's wrong (although knowing the billionaire, -and the fact that he probably had been standing there and watched Peter beat the shit out of a punching bag for the last 20 minutes- he probably already knew).

He walked forward to the genius and sprayed a liquid from his web-shooters he made that would dissolve the webs. Once Tony's hand was free, the Philanthropist quickly grabbed peter's cheeks. The younger genius forced himself not to flinch, but he knew Tony already caught on to the unease he was felling. Tony tilted his head, studying it for a moment. Peter raised an eyebrow at him, the silent _what are you doing?_ hanging in the air between them. Tony released his chin.

"What's wrong?" Tony's question was genuine but still firm, a voice he usually used whenever he wanted answers from Peter, in that voice there was no room for argument or lying, only straight answers. But Peter would be damned if he didn't try. He shrugged trying to appear nonchalant.

"Nothing" 

But of course, the genius saw right through his bullshit

"Yeah I'm not believing you. Care to tell me what's going through that head of your's that seem to have made your life's goal to demolish that bag over there?" He nodded his head towards it. 

Peter looked around anxiously, desperately looking for a way out of there. Not finding anything, he goes for shrug before turning around and making his way back to the bag and picking it up. 

"It doesn't matter" He stood up with the bag over his shoulders, slightly turning his head to his shoulder "Just, stupid memories" He started walking towards the equipment closet. 

"Kiddo, I don't think those memories are that stupid if it made you going all the way down here, _while also_ wearing your web-shooters may I remind you. You never once wear them when you're home" Tony said, his voice full on concern and confusion. 

Peter paused, he knew he couldn't hold it for much longer but he needed to try, even if he ran away now Tony would still ask him later, and probably be even more worried. He sighed.  
  
"Just, forget it alright, It's nothing you have to worry about" He threw the bag in, before starting to take of the bandage protecting his knuckles. Luckily, Tony didn't say anything else. He made his way to the seatings on the side of the room with Tony following wordlessly behind him. He let the billionaire take of the fabric around his hands.

Neither of them said anything for a while, just silently stared at the teenager's hands as tony pried the protection of. His hands where gentle, and Peter felt a light feeling fill his chest. While Skip's hands had been rough, forcing, making him do things he didn't want to do. Tony's hands where... calm, filled with guidance and protection.

They where hands of a person who Peter knew would do anything in his power to stop his loved ones from getting hurt. They where life givers, they invented, created, took the pain away. They weren't like Skip's, they weren't takers, they didn't hurt someone else just so they could gain some sort of satisfaction. They where... Trusting.

Maybe that's why Peter trusted him so much. Even from the day Tony Stark had been sitting at his sofa and drinking tea, he hadn't doubted him. He let himself follow the stranger to his room alone, let him sit next to him on his bed, because Peter saw that he wasn't after Peter Parker, but rather the person who Peter created.

Some people might have found that selfish, forcing a kid into a fight that didn't have anything to do with him, only to ignore him when it was over. And sure, Peter wasn't that found of that decision either, but he knew Tony did everything in his power to pay up for it. It was enough of a reason to let Tony in. Because he knew Tony would never hurt him, never again.

So, he just kept staring as his hands became more visible. The room was silent, the only sound coming from the two geniuses breathing. Peter let out a particular long breath before he let his forehead fall to Tony's. He closed his eyes as he suddenly felt a hand in his head working through his curls, scratching his scalp. And for a while, his thought's seem to have died down. 

He prayed they would stay that way.


	2. ....I know you'll hold me tight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He saw the kid's expression change. From scared to panicked, panicked to sad, sad to angry, angry to confusion, and then panicked again. The kid took a deep breath before looking away as he realized the battle was a lost cause.
> 
> "I'm tired" The kid started, his voice cracking as he looked over the empty training room "I'm so, goddamn tired I can't... I can't do this anymore Tony I can't... "
> 
> Peter paused as a sob ripped through him

When Tony was done taking of the bandage, he stood up and went to sit next to Peter. Slowly, he wrapped an arm around the kid's shoulders as he held the teenager close in the process.

He could feel Peter was still on the edge. Whatever had been going through the kid's mind hasn't seen to falter, the kid was clinging to him but, at the same time... not clinging to him. His muscles was still stiff, his breath was way to short to consider normal, it was almost like the kid was ready to get attacked at any minute.

He looked down at the kid's hands again, when he realized the kid was clenching them so heard it was drawing blood, and to Tony's horrified realization, Peter didn't seem to notice it. 

Quickly, he unclenched the kid's hand while wiping of the blood with his sleeve in the process, he frowned when the kid didn't react. He thought Peter would try stuttering an excuse to why he had tried to _technically_ impale himself, but the kid didn't say anything, just barley glanced down before looking up again.

He felt... lost, usually when Peter's mental health would make him stumble, Tony would solve it by just, being there. He would murmur reassuring words in his ear whenever the kid would break down in his arms, hold him, waiting for the kid to pass out before laying him in his bed while pressing a kiss to his forehead.

But now, the kid was just sitting there, seaming to far into his mind to understand what was going on around him. 

Wherever he was, Tony was sure it wasn't a good place.

"Hey buddy, you with me?" Tony squeezed his shoulder, watching as Peter slowly came back to himself. The kid turned his head to look at Tony, and he almost felt like throwing up when he looked at the blank-stared face of Peter Parker. The kid shifted a bit in his seat before nodding. 

"Good, good" He took a long breath, not being able to hold his questions any longer.

"Peter, what''s wrong? And _don't_ try to bullshit me"

He said before Peter could start protest

"something's nagging you, and if you say _'nothing'_ again, I'm calling you're aunt"

At least Peter's eyes widened at that, The kid made a move to stand up but Tony quickly put a hand on his shoulder, not missing the way Peter was watching his hand like a Hawk. The kid grunted before sitting down again with his arms on his thighs. He took a deep breath.

"It's none of your business okay" Peter's voice was sharp, almost pleading to him not have to explain. But Tony needed to know what was going on, so that he could fix it. Because that's what he does, fix things, and he had already promise himself not to break Peter again. 

"Peter, _your_ business becomes _my_ business, whether you like it or not. You're my responsibility and I want you to be safe, to _feel_ safe, and I can't do that if you don't tell me what's going on" His voice was serious but panicked.

He hated not knowing what to do, hated that he could so easily say something wrong and Peter would never talk to him again. It felt like he was flying blind whenever it came to the kid. Pepper had always said it was normal parental instincts, and Tony hadn't even had the energy to argue. 

_god, where was Pepper when you needed her?_

He saw the kid's expression change. From scared to panicked, panicked to sad, sad to angry, angry to confusion, and then panicked again. The kid took a deep breath before looking away as he realized the battle was a lost cause.

"I'm tired" The kid started, his voice cracking as he looked over the empty training room "I'm so, goddamn tired I can't... I can't do this anymore Tony I can't... "

Peter paused as a sob ripped through him

"every time, every. fucking. time, when I think everything's alright, that, _asshole_ just, plops back into my head and I can't..." Tears was streaming down the teenagers cheek " I don't even understand, it's been, _years. Seven. Fucking. years!_ and I still can't get over it. My therapist said I was _fine_ , said I was _ok,_ but I'm not! I'm not _ok_ , I'm not _fine,_ and I just want them to stop, please make them to stop!" Peter cried as he put his head in his hands while Tony just stared.

_What the fuck was the kid talking about?_

Tony... Tony was, lost. He had no Idea what to do, the kid was crying and shaking and he wanted nothing more than to hug him, but something told him it would only make the situation worse. He hated seeing the kid so hurt, so... broken, and the worst part was that it sounded like Peter was talking about a person, that a person had hurt him. It made Tony's blood boil. 

"Peter what are you- what are you talking about, _who_ are you talking about?" His voice was strangled, he needed to know, he needed to help Peter, otherwise he might just break if he sees his kid like this again. 

Peter looked up at him, and Tony almost threw up at what he was met with.

Red-rimmed glassy eyes met his gaze as Tony did his best to hide his worry, the kid's brows where knit together while his month was in a thin line. Tony had never seen the kid look so lost before, whoever had hurt him, Tony promised himself the guy wouldn't live in jail without a visit from Iron Man. 

He saw Peter swallow as he opened his month a couple of times trying to get out words. Tony quickly grabbed his right hand as he traced a thumb over his knuckles, hoping it was a calming gesture.

"Pete?" Tony tried again. Peter looked down at where Tony was holding his hand before he taking a deep breath. 

"Skip Westcott, he um, he used to be my babysitter" Tony lifted his eyebrows in surprise, Peter huffed when he realized his confusion.

"Yeah I had one" Peter shifted a little in his seat " It had been eight months since my parents... died, and Ben and May's off days started catching up on them. They didn't have enough money to hire a professional, and they didn't trust those vague, low-instructed operations, so they started to ask around for people in our block"

"There was a family in our building who lived three floors down, they had a teenager who was looking for a job, so it was a perfect match i guess" Peter took a deep breath "His name was Skip Westcott and he was-he was, nice. He took interest in what I liked, he would play with me and joke around... I would almost say I saw him as a friend"

something dark passed through the teenagers eyes

"He called me Einstein a lot... usually when he... um, would see me with a book or something" The teen squeezed his eyes shut " I shouldn't have trusted him" Tony looked at the spiderling with a frown on his face. 

"Why..."He was almost afraid to ask "Why not?"

Peter looked at him again, and Tony was this close to break down into tears. 

"When a week had gone by, Skip started to, change. He looked at me more often, especially when he took me swimming a couple of times" Peter swallowed "One day, Skip had brought a couple of newspapers with him, said it was to a new game we would play. He showed me the papers but, they weren't normal newspapers like, filled with science stuff or something, but more... adult things, stuff that teenagers sometimes watch"

If Tony's heart had been connected to a heart monitor, it would have exploded by now. 

_What the fuck!?_

That _guy_ , that _asshole_ had shown an eight year old boy, _Tony's_ eight year old boy _porn!_

_What kind of dickhead does that!?_

Peter let out a humorless laugh when he saw Tony's horrified expression.

"Yeah I was pretty shocked to" The kid paused and his expression quickly turned into what almost looked like pain.

"But, that wasn't everything" Tony's heart, once again, sped up to a dangerous level. The kid looked down.

"When, he had showed me them... he said he wanted to do the same thing like they did in the pictures..." Peter clenched his hands "I said I didn't want to, but he didn't listened, and the next thing i know... he ripped of my clothes and pushed me into my bedroom" silence was the last thing to fill the room. 

Sometimes, it feels like the world stops. Whatever life had been going on in the streets of the city was now frozen, petrified, no movement at all. That must be exactly how it looked outside right now, because to Tony, that's just how it felt like. 

No, this couldn't be real! Not _Peter, not_ his _sweet,_ oh-so innocent _Peter!_ Not only had the kid gone through way to many grief sessions and losing the people he loved in his short life, but _also_ had he been the victim to one of the worst crimes a person can do.

How many times had the kid cried himself to sleep, because Skip had shown him how trust can be broken. How many times had Peter not been able to move the next morning, because he had fought every second to get the pervert off him, which probably only had result to Skip hurting him more.

Tony didn't now if he wanted to cry or scream, because how _unfair_ was this whole situation?

Peter had lost his parents before he even knew what loss was, he had been used and taken advantage of in the worst way possible, he'd been traumatized, betrayed, hell, he'd _seen_ when the person closest to a father had been drained from life in front of him. Begging and crying for him to open his eyes, for Skip to stop, for his parents to come back.

 _How the hell was the kid still_ _alive?_

He didn't know how long he had been staring, but it was long enough for Peter to start look concern. The kid didn't say anything though, just started to fidget nervously with his hands as he kept looking back and forth between Tony and the room. The tension could be cut with a chainsaw. 

"What?" Tony finally whispered, breaking the tense silence between them in the progress. Peter just looked at him, a painful look on his face. Tony couldn't believe what he just had heard.

"W-what? He-did he-" Tony couldn't even say it.

"Rape me?.... Yeah" Peter looked down in shame, and it took way to long for Tony to realize what Peter was ashamed of. In pure panic of - _no, no, no, this was_ not _Peter's fault -_ and- no _way he was going to let Peter think it is!-_ Tony quickly grabbed the kid's arms and pulled him into a hug. 

Peter tensed at first, but after a while Tony felt the teen melt in his arms. A sigh fell from the younger genius lips as Tony hugged him tighter.

"God Peter" Tony said, he heard his voice crack "I'm sorry, god I'm so fucking _sorry_ " He felt Peter shake his head against his collarbone.

" S' not your fault" Peter mumbled, his voice thick of holding back his tears.

"Not your fault either" Tony mumbled in the crown of the teenagers head, breathing in the soft smell of shampoo that was still stuck after Peter's shower. 

The kid didn't answer, but he didn't need an answer either. 

They sat there for a long time, the teen holding on to the back of his shirt like he was going to disappear the moment he let go. 

Tony had never felt such rage towards one person before, not when the person had tried to take the life spark of one of the greatest kids in the whole universe. He wanted to hurt Skip, he wanted to beat him and kick him until the asshole was pleading for mercy, but he knew it wouldn't change anything.

 _not that it meant he_ wasn't _going to hurt him but, still..._

Then, Tony was struck with another horrible thought that he was almost afraid to ask, but he needed to know. So, slowly, he pulled the kid away from his bosom so that he could look him in the eye, ignoring the kid's whine for the loss of comfort. Even though it physically hurt to do so.

"Peter" He stared, taking a deep breath "How many times-" He couldn't finish the sentence, but luckily he didn't have to because the kid seem to know what he meant. Peter looked down in his lap, before starting to pick at the hem of Tony's M.I.T sweatshirt he was wearing. The kid swallowed.

"Skip babysat me for a month before he moved out with his family" Peter whispered.

And Tony. Saw. Red.

A _month!? A whole goddamn month!?_ Not _one_ time, not _two_ times, but a whole _month,_ had Peter been suffering without anyone knowing. Tony wanted nothing more than to bundle up the kid in blankets and protect him with his life.

 _And he would if the kid wasn't so stubborn_...

Tony let his forehead fall on Peter's, he brought up his hand and started working through the kid's incredibly soft curls. He took a deep breath when he realized there was still two questions he needed to know.

"Does May know about this" He murmured, he felt Peter nodding a little.

"Good, good" He tipped back his body before he cupped Peter's cheek and looked him in the eyes. 

"How did you- How did you tell them? If you now told both of them" Peter tilted his head down with Tony's hand still pressed against it. He took a deep breath.

"A few weeks after they had moved out, I was at Ned's house. We were playing with Lego's in his room and I realized Ned wasn't doing anything that... Skip had been doing, so I decided to ask if that was something people did. Of course, Ned didn't know"

"We decided to ask his parents since neither of us knew" Peter trailed off a bit before picking up again

"I'll never forget how horrified they looked when we told them" Peter squeezed his eyes shut "They called in May and Ben before telling them what Skip did, I only remember them crying before they drove me to the hospital"

"I rarely left my room after that, Ben would occasionally try to make me go out once in a while, but I couldn't" Peter sniffled " It didn't get better that they never found Skip either"

Tony's eyebrows changed to confusion as he heard those last words.

"What do you mean, Isn't Skip in jail?" He asked, terror spilling over him for what must be the twelfth time that day. Peter shook his head.

"Skip was already too far away from the city for the police to find him" 

_Of course he was, because how 'unfair'_ _would it be if he wasn't?_

Tony sighed, his blood started boil at the thought of Skip not even getting to face the consequences of his actions. 

He brought Peter close again before running his fingers through the kid's hair. The kid had his head under the genius's chin as he took sharping breaths around the thickness in his throat. Tony traced a thumb along the kid's chin before cupping the back of his neck. 

The kid broke down after that

Seven years of pain flooded out as the kid sobbed into the man's collarbone, the sound of the teens cries echoed through the empty training room as Tony gently shushed him and played with his hair. He made a promise with himself as they were sitting there.

_He would find Skip, and he would make him beg._

_He'd be damned if he didn't_

-

Tony ran a hand over his face as he kept looking at the million faces popping up on the screen. If Iron man wasn't going to kill him, this would probably be it. And right now, he kinda wished it was Iron Man who would.

_At least that would be a cool way for his life to end_

It had gone a week since the whole 'punching bag incident' and Peter had gotten used to Tony knowing. He would tell him more about Skip whenever he had a nightmare and wouldn't be afraid to leave if a particular hard conversation was starting between the team.

Tony would be more careful whenever he called Peter by a nickname, although, he couldn't be _too_ careful, since Peter had been very strict on "You look at me any differently, and I'm gonna break every fucking bone in your body" while giving him a death stare that would probably haunt Tony until the end of time, he decided to just not call him _Einstein_ and probably that would be enough. 

And Tony... Tony was happy, happy that the kid was finally comfortable enough around him. Happy that Peter was wasn't afraid to open up. Happy that the universe had given him Peter Parker of all people. So that's what he was... Happy.

But, as it was right now, he was not happy... Not happy at all, because the guy who should be serving at least 20 years in prison was nowhere to be found, and he had checked, _everything._ Every guy with the name 'Skip Westcott' who had left New York for seven years ago was now showing on his screen. And Tony had no Idea how the hell there is so many people with the same goddamn name.

_I mean c'mon!_

His first idea had been to go through all of the people and try to find the right one, but when F.R.I.D.A.Y had told him it was over eight thousand people with the same name who had left one fucking city,Tony decided to go through at least the first five hundred, and _hopefully,_ he would find that asshole-

_And demolish him._

Tony was so engrossed in his 'asshole searching', he didn't realize when the youngest genius entered the lab. Nor did he realized when the kid's expression turned to one and utter panic as he saw what Tony had on his screen.

"What are you doing?" Tony whipped his head around and was met with one serious looking Peter Parker. The kid had his arms crossed over his chest as he gave Tony a stern look, he felt himself wince under the heavy pressure of Peter's gaze.

_yup, Peter is going to kill him_

"Nothing you have to worry about kid" He tried to appear nonchalant, waving a hand at the teen hoping it would be enough to make Peter calm down. But of course it didn't.

"Why are you even trying? you won't find him" 

Tony resist the urge to roll his eyes, _did the kid not know who he was?_

"Why do you take showers that's longer than thirty minutes?" Tony asked smugly, hoping the reference to an earlier conversation would make Peter change tracks. But instead, Peter just stared, his left eye twitching slightly like he wasn't believing what his mentor was saying, and if Tony wasn't wrong, Peter almost looked offended by the comment.

_oh god, what did he do?_

He saw Peter taking a deep breath before clenching his fists.

"I'm not even gonna pretend I didn't hear that, because I _know,_ you're brain is big enough to understand I don't shower because I think it's fun" Peter bit out. 

It took exactly 10 seconds for Tony to wrap his head around what Peter just said, and it took another 10 seconds to progress an answer. He mentally kicked himself for being an idiot.

_God, why was he so stupid!?_

_Of course_ Peter wasn't doing it for _fun,_ you don't just go away from being traumatized and used without _some_ kind of coping mechanism, whether that be standing under a shower-head while hot burning water was drenching you just because a guy you thought you could trust, burned himself into your skin.

He had to physically force himself not to take the suit and beat the shit out of every Skip Westcott there is, just so that he had a chance to hurt the right one. 

"I'm sorry I..." Tony started, but Peter waived him off.

"Don't... Just, forget it alright, I don't want to talk about it" Peter said, clearly annoyed. Tony felt guilt build up in his stomach, but let the subject drop anyway.

The teen turned his head towards the screen where more faces was showing, Tony saw Peter study it for a moment, like he was debating something. Finally, the teenager sighed

"I don't even understand why you're trying, the police have been looking for him for _years_ without luck, it's a waste of time" Peter's voice was monotonic, like his words were just a dark truth he had to get used to and not something that could be stopped, because the hope of getting revenge against his attacker was far gone. Tony's heart twisted with anger at the realization.

"Peter, do you know who you're talking to right now? _Of course_ I can find him, just give me his full name and description and I promise you, I will find him in the next 72 hours and put him to jail" He was only half lying, Skip wouldn't see another day of light if he ever find him.

Not if _,_ _when_

"He never told me his name" Tony whipped his head around to look if Peter was being serious. But Peter wasn't facing him, instead, he had made his way over to where Dum-E was watching their conversation unfold.

The kid was sitting crossed-legged in front of the robot as Dum-E chirped happily at the attention he was getting. Even though he only saw the side-profile of Peter's face, it was enough to notice the frown that had married the kid's form under this whole conversation. 

Tony would feel bad if this whole situation wasn't so goddamn surreal.

"What do you mean not knowing his name!? You said it was Skip! Didn't you bother checking who he was before hiring him!?" He knew he shouldn't yell, but he was not in the mood for some stupid ass joke when the guy who should be behind bars or even dead was still out there, living his life and probably not even giving a damn that he fucked up a kid seven fucking years ago! He didn't even understand why Peter was trying to lie since _Skip_ had been the one _hurting_ him, and _now_ he didn't even want to-

"Skip never told us his real name!" Peter suddenly bursted out, making all of Tony's resent adrenaline go down the drain. The kid sighed as he looked down in his lap. "He never told us his name, and we didn't think much of it either" Peter explained in a sad tone "I mean, he was just that... friendly, neighborhood kid who I guess just wanted to make a name of himself. So we decided to just, let him be dramatic" Peter shrugged.

"And, since he was just a normal teenager who was looking for a job -and he lived in the same house as us- we didn't think much of it. Maybe we should have, I don't know, but at the time he was no different from a normal person" Peter said quiet as he began picking at the hem of his sweatshirt, a nerves tick Peter had developed over the past couple of weeks.

Tony just stared at the side view of Peter Parker as his brain tried to understand all of the information he just gained.

So, 'Skip' _isn't_ that asshole's name, but rather a _made-up_ name, that the 'sick fuck' had created because he wanted to be _cool._

_What._

_the ever loving fuck._

_was wrong with that guy?_

Without a another word, the billionaire turned towards the screen and deleted the name 'Skip' from his searching filter, making even more faces pop up, he sighed as he slumped in his chair.

He heard Peter paddling his way towards him after a while before he sat down on the chair next to Tony. The sudden weight of the teenager's head on his shoulder made him absently wrapped an arm around the kid as he pressed a kiss on the side of the kid's head. A small sigh fell from the teen's lips as he nuzzled his head in the crock of his neck, with Tony resting his head on top of Peter's. 

They stayed there for a while, both content and warm by the other one's presence. But Tony still felt like he had failed Peter, because he _promised_ he would find him, even if it was only to himself, he had _promised_ not to let Peter down again, and he had broken that promise.

He thought that if he found the guy, he could avenge Peter, because isn't that what he was? An Avenger, he _avenged._ his _job_ was to get revenge on the people who deserved it, and yet he couldn't even get revenge on _one_ guy who deserved it more than anyone else. 

Skip had hurt his _kid_ , his _world,_ in more ways than one, and Peter didn't even get to hurt him back, didn't get to feel the _satisfaction_ of seeing his attacker behind bars, dead on the floor, begging for his life. Peter would never know how it felt like to finally get the ghost that had been riding his back of of him, the _relief_ of being able to walk around wherever he wanted without the constant feeling of being watched.

It made Tony's whole body rage with anger.

Tony was just about to call his suit and fly all around america in hope of finding that guy, when he suddenly felt something touching the crown of his head, it wasn't until seconds later that he realized that it was _Peter_ who was the 'something' in his hair, or rather, his hand. 

The kid was moving his hand through the older man's hair like he did all the time to Peter whenever he was upset, he looked down to see a rather pleased looking spider-kid as he kept playing with the genius's hair.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Tony asked dumbly. Peter's smirk only grew wider.

"You're angry" The kid responded in a matter-of-fact tone, like it was the most ridiculous question ever.

"I'm not angry" He lied " And I don't understand why that would lead you to start playing with my hair" 

"you alw'ys do 'at wh'n I'm angry" Peter said in a sleepy voice, Tony wasn't even surprised the kid was tired "I tho'ght I'd do the s'me th'ng" Tony hid a smile in the kid's hair as he almost melted at the adorableness that seemed to just evolve around the kid.

"You're a little shit you know that?" Tony murmured while bringing the kid closer to his chest. Peter only hummed in response, seeming more asleep than awake. The hand slowly became less moving as Peter fell asleep, Tony decided to pick up the action and ran a hand through the kid's hair instead.

The lab, once again, was filled with silence. But, when Tony thought that Peter was too far gone in his sleeping state, a quiet, sleepy voice filled the lab's walls.

"T'ny?" 

"Yeah bud?" The philanthropist murmured.

"You don' h've to avenge ev'ryb'dy" Tony froze for a moment, the words of the teenager slowly sinking in as he felt his breath hitch. But at the end, he just went for a sigh before cradling the kid closer to his chest.

"Go to sleep Pete" The teen didn't seem pleased with his response, but went to sleep nonetheless.

It got quiet once again. The only sound that filled the room coming from the two geniuses breathing, and Tony was left to his thoughts.

_'You don't have to avenge everybody'_

But didn't he? Avenging had always been something he did, whether that was just putting the bad guy behind bars or killing him. Avenging had always seemed like an obvious choice. A guy shoots you in the leg, you shoot back. It had always seemed like a normal thing to do, but as he thought about it, maybe it wasn't. Because there was _one_ person who never saw revenge as a normal thing to do on the people he fought.

_Peter_

Peter stopped bad guys daily, whether that was robbers or murderers. But no matter what the people did, he never fought more than what was necessary. The kid had always been like that, forgiving and understanding. He remember the first time when he had asked why Peter didn't kill the guy who somehow had manage to break the kid's arm, and Peter had responded with _"Everyone has reasons for their actions Tony, it's not the action that matters it's what you're willing to do about them, all he wanted was money for his family, I don't blame him for being desperate"_ Tony had only looked dumb-founded at the kid's naive heroism before he just ruffled the kid's hair and smiled.

But the thing was, it wasn't like Skip had robbed Peter or anything, no, he had done an unforgivable crime that no matter the reason, it was always the convicted's fault. Skip didn't rob Peter, but he sure as hell stole something from him.

But, maybe Skip didn't need to be put behind bars, maybe the weight and the _guilt_ of hurting someone else was enough punishment for him. Maybe Skip lived his life with constant regret, maybe the pleas of that eight year old boy he hurt went with him every day and every hour, _haunting_ him, whispering to him what he did, tearing him apart from the inside.

And maybe, on day, Skip would look up at the sky and say _sorry_ before leaving the world who sure ass hell didn't need him. 

And Maybe Peter didn't need revenge on him, didn't need to see him cry for mercy, maybe all Peter needed was for someone to hold him, tell him he's okay, to protect him but still not doubt what he could do. Maybe all Peter needed was what he already had, a family.

And maybe Skip didn't need to be put behind bars, maybe all he needed was to understand that actions has consequences, that hurting someone else doesn't just hurt the victim, but also the convicted, and who knows, maybe he already did. Tony hoped that was the case. That everyday Skip regretted his actions. Everyday, Skip walked around town and wanted nothing more than to turn back time.

_"It's not the action that matters, it's what you're willing to do about them"_

And maybe Peter's right, a guy shoot's you in the leg, but if you don't shoot back, then maybe he would try to pay up for it.

He hoped Skip would do that one day, beg Peter for his forgiveness,

and if Peter want's to give it or not, well, that was his choice.

But as he looked down at the sleeping form of an angel against his chest

He knew it wouldn't be so hard for Skip to understand his mistake.

_It was only about what he was ready to do about it._

_Because isn't that how we forgive people?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that was the whole story!
> 
> I really hoped you liked this one, since i'm pretty sure i've had like five breakdowns writing this. I had been writing like 75% of the whole story when all of a sudden the file I had it saved on was corrupted which means I lost the whole chapter and needed to write everything again, sooooo.....
> 
> Anyways, I know Skip kinda didn't get what he deserved in this, but we can say he feels incredibly guilty about it or something. Or maybe he robbed a car and is now in jail, I don't know.... But Skip is still a dick, Peter finally feels okay, and Tony is the best Iron-dad!
> 
> Goodbye!
> 
> PS: If you read this as st*rker I'm forever blocking you.
> 
> :)

**Author's Note:**

> And that was the first chapter of this story! I realized when I was writing that this was becoming way to long so I decided to split it up, I promise the next part will come out soon! 
> 
> Anyways, I'm not an expert when it comes to dealing with trauma, but I know voicing them is a good start. I realized Peter 'isn't' doing that in this particular part, but trust me he will! I just think bottling up stuff won't help you in the long run, and if you have a person who you really trust then I think you should talk to them, or a therapist. They'll understand. 
> 
> Anyways (again), I hoped you liked this! I almost lost my mind writing it but I think I did alright, I don't know. I hope I see you again soon when the next part comes out! Bye!


End file.
